You know, the Death Star would be a little more tolerable if there were some brighter Storm Troopers running around. Seriously people, if you walk into a room and hear the tell-tale sound of stepping in water, WOULDN'T YOU THINK TO TELL SOMEONE THAT SOMETHING'S WRONG?????
Heck no, not here. We's got busy Storm Trooper work to do. Forget that it smells like somebody's thriving chicken farm/paper mill operation with a side business making liver treats in the dehydrator (nothin' but love GBD!).
0900 hours - I stroll down the main corridor at the D.S. Keep in mind that I've reported to my post 3 hours prior to this moment of reflection and there have been two dozen or so Storm Troopers milling about in that time. The aforementioned "ambrosia" fills my nostrils and warns of the meltdown that awaits me behind the door with the little man on it. Oh little man. If you could only speak I would not have witnessed the cataclysmic cauldron brewing behind your emotionless facade. I made the call to Mission Control and ordered the Level 5 HazMat special with a side of hurry-the-%^&$-up.
1300 hours - Not one single Storm Trooper has approached to even suggest that something is different today. Not one. ~sigh~
1320 hours - Level 5 HazMat team arrives and secures a containment perimeter around the biohazard. One hour later all biohazard has been removed. One mop was martyred in the process.
I honestly think the Storm Troopers would wither and die if there weren't any Trooperettes to maintain order at homebase. Fortunately for me, the Queen is quite adept at reminding me of the shortcomings of my previous living arrangements and the fallacy in thinking that my interpretation of "status quo" was how things actually were supposed to be. For that, I am grateful...
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
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10 comments:
OK I actually spit out my coffee laughing when I read your post.
I can tell you why no one admitted to noticing that something was amiss though. They were afraid they'd have to help with containment. Better to just ignore the whole thing;-)!
Glad to see you have risen to such a lofty station in life!!! You make your Momma soooooo proud!!!!
Cataclysmic cauldron? This is good, vintage stuff here!
Ever wonder if you've somehow been transported to some parallel universe where everyone except you and a select few others has been lobotomized? Scary thought, isn't it? And there's really no proof that it hasn't happened, is there?
Think about it!
Addie
Thanks for the compliment, Snookums... I think :-).
Love, Jen (wife)
At work, if you see it, you clean it up. If you smell it, you find it and clean it up. You've never seen such a chronically blind and scent-dead bunch of people...
Technically, you only have to clean up after your own dogs...but inevitably, the pooper's groomer is at lunch and the dog's running back and forth through it, so you help and clean up in hopes someone will do the same for you someday.
Besides, my manager gets nauseated easily by the smell, and that would really be an unpleasant cleanup.
A little off-topic, but I just found out that my body is only 39% effective as a human shield. Bummer!
Addie - I'll catalog that little gem and remember it at the appropriate occasion...It's the sub 40% (like you) that I use to increase my effectiveness. Resourceful, I think...
Um, I will admit, I'm totally lost. I have no idea what a storm trooper is and what the hell your post was about:-(
Your words are too big for me.
snookums?
Toast - you'd have to query the Queen on that. I don't know what I did to deserve that moniker...
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